Thursday, September 12, 2013

Positive and Negative

I've been avoiding writing for the last few days because I didn't really have much to say that didn't have a negative cast to it.  Maybe a short post with both positive and negative will help push me past.


(Skip down to positive if you'd like to avoid my negativity.)

It's been hard for me to read some running blogs and see how cavalier some people are about their running.  They laugh off missed workouts, mention just in passing their runs like they're no big deal, and describe their spur-of-the-moment runs with whoever happens to come calling that day.  All at paces that I can merely dream of at this point.  I know runners aren't supposed to compare themselves with other runners--that the only person we're in competition with is ourselves. I'm pretty sure I'm not upset about their distances or pace--those will come with time, effort, and patience. I'm not scared of the hard work. I guess what needles me is their attitude.

But I just work so hard.

I push, and push to the very edge of what I can do right now, to the brink of injury.  I plan my workouts out, put them into our combined calendar weeks in advance.  I run at 5 am to beat the heat.  I run at 8:30 at night after the kids are in bed instead of spending time with my wife.  I run after 12 hour shifts at work--I run on my days off.  I run instead of taking naps. I know there are many of you out there who do the same and I love and respect your efforts.

In reward for my hard work, I improve every time I run.

Something that I am tremendously grateful for.

But it's like they're laughing in the face of my hard work and dedication when I read about some runners doubling, even tripling my runs at paces 4, or even 5 minutes per mile faster, and giggling about it just being an easy/recovery run or saying, "I ran this so much faster than I meant to."


I just wish people were more respectful(?), appreciative(?), reverent(?) of their ability...

I don't even really know what I wish people were like.

I just know it's frustrating me lately.


So today I picked up my race packet for my 5k on Saturday.  The packet pickup happened to be at my gym.  As I passed by the table on my way to the treadmills, the girl manning the packet table asked me if I was there to pick up.  Maybe, just maybe, I resemble a runner?  It was fun to grab my stuff, and to hear her tell me to have a good workout.  Maybe, just maybe, I resemble someone who works out?

Anyway, I'm getting excited.  I'm worrying a bit about getting there on time as my wife works the night before (we're both nurses, but she works nights).  Although she's leaving work early for me just to get home to stay with the kids while I go run my race, I'm worried it won't be early enough.  I will likely get to the race site about 20-25 minutes before the 5k start time.  Maybe it will be better that way since I'll have that much less time to be overwhelmed and nervous like I usually am in new situations with lots of people and apparent disorganization and chaos.  I plan to be dressed, pottied, stretched, fed, hydrated, freaked out, by the time my wife gets home so that I can bolt out the door.

Am I maybe obsessing
if I've checked the forecast for Saturday morning every morning and night for the last week?

Today I ran an interval workout that I've been successful with previously (1/4 mile intervals at 11:20 pace and 9:40 pace for 3 miles) to end on a high note for my last workout before the race.  It was a good workout.  I felt like I was attacking the faster intervals and the last couple I started early, ended late, and pushed the pace.  (See, even now I keep thinking about my successful workout and realizing it's somebody else's warm up or cool down. Bad negative thoughts!  Bad!  Sit!  Stay!)

I'll take the day off tomorrow and hydrate.  I hope that leads to a successful race.  Kind of just trying to feel my way through prepping for for race day--I'm bound to make a mistake, but I guess I'll just chalk it up to a learning experience.

Oh, and I'm down 35 lbs now (well, 34.8) in almost exactly 2 months.  Hoping to hit 240 lbs on the nose by next Thursday in time for my CRNA school interview.  Going to require no hiccups in my diet for the next 7 days, and consistent workouts, but I think I'll nail it.